where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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