I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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