carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry about my life...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
