i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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