its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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