Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
