why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
