Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think my tv is drunk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
