do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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