I think I am morally bankrupt
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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