it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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