Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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