The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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