He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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