I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
