When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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