Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
