I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
