ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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