I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
