Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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