Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize