I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
