I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
