I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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