She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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