I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
