you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
