i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
