Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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