garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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