I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
