I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
