I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
