I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
