Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
