I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
