Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
