If i come over, it means nothing
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
