ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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