you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
