I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize