You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
