Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
