suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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