an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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