If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
