frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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