I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
