I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
