Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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