i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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