he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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