My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
