I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
is it fun? or sober?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
