She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
