Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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