WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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