Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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