my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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