just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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