you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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