I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
