Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
