Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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