Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
