Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
