just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
