Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
is it fun? or sober?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
