I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
