Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
