Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
