Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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